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Tips to Help Introvert-Extrovert Couples Thrive in Marriage

May 8, 2017 by The Marquardt Ranch

Opposites attract, according to the old adage, but sometimes being on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to personality can be difficult! This is especially true for introvert-extrovert couples.  You and your fiancé may be one of these magnetic couples—and that’s wonderful, but keep in mind your differences can complement each other, or they can lead to clashes. In order to prevent the latter, we’ve compiled a few tips for helping introvert-extrovert couples thrive in their married life.

Caring for your Introvert

Give them space.

If your introverted partner needs some time to himself, don’t take it personally. He isn’t ignoring you and he isn’t upset. He just needs time to recharge. Unlike extroverts, introverts regain energy from solitude. You might be their favorite person in the whole world, but that means that they want to enjoy their time with you. They can’t do that if they’re emotionally drained.

Let them think major decisions over.

Oftentimes, introverts need time to process significant choices, or serious discussions or emotions. Don’t expect an answer from them immediately. However, giving them time to think doesn’t mean letting them shove things under the rug. Make sure they communicate their feelings eventually!

Communication is key.

Communication (or lack thereof) can make or break a marriage. If your introverted partner opens up to you about a need, listen to him and try to really hear what he’s saying. It can take a lot for an introvert to actually be vocal about something like that, so acknowledging what he has to say and incorporating it into your lives can be incredibly meaningful.

Caring for your Extrovert

Spend quality time.

Introverts, while solitude may be your cup of tea, it’s not your extroverted partner’s. Extroverts thrive off interpersonal interaction—as you probably have already seen at this point. In caring for your extrovert, make sure to spend some time with him. Even small bits of interaction can be really meaningful–and let him know that you do indeed still adore him!

Be willing to socialize.

It’s also good to go socializing once in a while with your extrovert. You don’t have to do it all the time, but your extrovert wants to do things with you, not by themselves all the time. Other friends are great, but they aren’t you. Go to family gatherings, on double dates, and to parties together, and then come home and recharge in solitude.

Finish conversations.

If you’ve taken time to think through a big decision or discussion, make sure to actually finish the conversation. Don’t just let it slide under the rug, even though that may seem like the easiest solution.

Communication is key.

That leads to the final suggestion: communicate. It’s often harder for introverts to share what they’re feeling—instead they tend to internalize their emotions. Unfortunately, internalization doesn’t let anyone else understand what’s going on. So, if there’s something that’s important to you, whether good or bad, talk to your extrovert. They will appreciate the conversation and transparency from you.

Warning Signs

As a general note, it’s important not to use introvert-extrovert differences as an excuse. The introvert-extrovert divide is not a good reason for intentional, prolonged disengagement or a disregard of a partner’s needs. If there are genuine issues, it’s best to seek professional advice and counsel.

Introvert-extrovert couples can be real powerhouses, but even power couples sometimes need to find a balance. Most partnerships can benefit from increased communication, but it’s especially important for introvert-extrovert couples.

For more tips on helping introvert-extrovert partners thrive, check out this article from Psychology Today!

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